When looking for a significant other or just someone to date and be with, must the guy or girl be habesha or are you guys down with whatever?
Biases?
Personally, it doesn't matter to me but I'm curious to see what you guys have to say.
Replies
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This is interesting. I guess you can say I've lost my 'habesha-sness' because I am a very private person and I can tell you that I wouldn't want extended family members (beyond my mother, sisters, nephews and niece) to come over and crash in my casa. Unless of course it's a very, VERY short visit.
I would have issues if my fiance decided to have his family members to come over and stay too.
So I disagree that this is a cultural thing, I think it's more of an individual choice in my opinion.
mehh. i don't think that makes you less habesha. just means you're going against the grain of what is expected maybe.
Of course I won't but I could kiss you for saying that.....
Yup
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[quote="borat"][quote="EdenLovelove"]habesha persuasion=inclined to date habeshas
no i dont want her to send my money back home to her momaa and i dont wanna sneak 20 of her cousins to this country . if she agrees with these terms why not
Extending help to once family is the beauty of being a habesha! If you don't believe in that, you have lost part of your habeshaness.
today me and my dad were watching tv and a commercial for a television show came on where this american dude was getting pissed off and was threatening to move out of his house because his wife wanted her only sister to come live at their house for a while. My dad just laughed because my mom has had her entire family (four sisters,two brothers,and mother) stay at our house for and extended period of time over the years. Just shows you how different the collective and individualistic cultures are.[/quote]
This is interesting. I guess you can say I've lost my 'habesha-sness' because I am a very private person and I can tell you that I wouldn't want extended family members (beyond my mother, sisters, nephews and niece) to come over and crash in my casa. Unless of course it's a very, VERY short visit.
I would have issues if my fiance decided to have his family members to come over and stay too.
So I disagree that this is a cultural thing, I think it's more of an individual choice in my opinion.[/quote]
mehh. i don't think that makes you less habesha. just means you're going against the grain of what is expected maybe.
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[quote="EdenLovelove"]habesha persuasion=inclined to date habeshas
no i dont want her to send my money back home to her momaa and i dont wanna sneak 20 of her cousins to this country . if she agrees with these terms why not
Extending help to once family is the beauty of being a habesha! If you don't believe in that, you have lost part of your habeshaness.
today me and my dad were watching tv and a commercial for a television show came on where this american dude was getting pissed off and was threatening to move out of his house because his wife wanted her only sister to come live at their house for a while. My dad just laughed because my mom has had her entire family (four sisters,two brothers,and mother) stay at our house for and extended period of time over the years. Just shows you how different the collective and individualistic cultures are.[/quote]
This is interesting. I guess you can say I've lost my 'habesha-sness' because I am a very private person and I can tell you that I wouldn't want extended family members (beyond my mother, sisters, nephews and niece) to come over and crash in my casa. Unless of course it's a very, VERY short visit.
I would have issues if my fiance decided to have his family members to come over and stay too.
So I disagree that this is a cultural thing, I think it's more of an individual choice in my opinion.
Yup
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habesha persuasion=inclined to date habeshas
no i dont want her to send my money back home to her momaa and i dont wanna sneak 20 of her cousins to this country . if she agrees with these terms why not
Extending help to once family is the beauty of being a habesha! If you don't believe in that, you have lost part of your habeshaness.
today me and my dad were watching tv and a commercial for a television show came on where this american dude was getting pissed off and was threatening to move out of his house because his wife wanted her only sister to come live at their house for a while. My dad just laughed because my mom has had her entire family (four sisters,two brothers,and mother) stay at our house for and extended period of time over the years. Just shows you how different the collective and individualistic cultures are.
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habesha persuasion=inclined to date habeshas
no i dont want her to send my money back home to her momaa and i dont wanna sneak 20 of her cousins to this country . if she agrees with these terms why not
Extending help to once family is the beauty of being a habesha! If you don't believe in that, you have lost part of your habeshaness.
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You know, i wish someone would sit me down and explain the habesha culture to me thoroughly and not only that, take a little time out to teach me the language. I'm willing to pay 10 or 20 bucks...lol(stole from another thread) My only outlets to this culture is this site, my boyfriend and the one friend i have/had who is not talking to me at the current moment. All i know is, i would rather be here and not fully understand and learn little by little than to be with any other group of ppl. Sometimes we clash and thats to be expected but other than that my soul and spirit is at ease with habeshas and the only other preference i have over you is my family. That came from the heart. I'm not trying to flatter anyone so please don't take like that but feel free.
The one mistake i think i might have made, is laying all my cards out on the table when i first met my BF. I was completely honest with him at the beginning and so i am now. He should know me like he knows the back of his hand. And the more i learn about this culture the more i learn that putting it all out there probably wasn't the best thing to do. IDK.
Another thing is to each his own way right? But your culture makes that very difficult. My BF would say to me "you need to learn more about our culture!" So what i've recently told him is that your culture is telling me that there's no chance that we would be together. He disregards and says stuff like he can be with whoever he wants to be with. So we shall see, is all i can say about that now. Not only that, i'm nervous as h*ll to meet his family. I want to but now i'm like, 'Oh Lord they're going to hate me!'. He tells me not to worry, they will like whomever he bring because they know he will only bring a great woman. I might have to take a Xanax before meeting them. Ganja pass the blunt man! Seriously, i'm not as excited as i used to be about meeting them.
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Ok, I must modify my assertion a bit. When I think about significant other (dating), I usually think a bit deep and think about the consequences and the future before even beginning anything. If I don't see the relationship will have a future, then I decide not to waste my time (that's why I still haven't had a proper dating experience and am almost 22).
That doesn't make him less habesha!
No, it doesn't! But, with all honesty (and depending on his personality), I would think he would probably benefit being with a habesha in the long run (if it is just for having some fun for sometime then it doesn't matter).
Also, although I've lived in America for a while I still believe that the habesha mentality or whatever you were talking about is embedded within me even if i'm open with whatever. Although i must admit, i gravitate towards hebashas more.
What do you mean by I'm open with whatever? Again, yes you can be open and have some fun for a while, but for the long run I am sure you will gravitate more to habeshas, if indeed "whatever I was talking about is embedded within you".
ps: its nice you brought up this issue at a time I am wondering about it a lot. Let's try to convince one another!
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I don't necessarily agree with you.
My uncle grew up in Ethiopia and moved to America in his mid-thirties...so he obviously was implanted with that habesha mentality and way of life considering the fact he was raised in the gutter with no outside influences but he still went out with someone who was other than habesha. That doesn't make him less habesha!
Also, although I've lived in America for a while I still believe that the habesha mentality or whatever you were talking about is embedded within me even if i'm open with whatever. Although i must admit, i gravitate towards hebashas more.
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Mr. Scientist, you know I like you and all but I think you are just so full of poop!
Lol, GarrXella, I do know very well so no worries, you can call me anything!
Just because you happen to share the same 'values' and are coming from the same culture doesn't necessarily make you compatible.
If you just add Love to the two, what else do you need to be compatible? If you love each other and have common values and culture, that means you understand each other better (as someone said above, no need to explain). But, off course, Love is more important than all of them.
AND what are habesha values to you anyway? I am curious.
Well, may be somebody needs to start a thread where we start posting common habesha values, culture or beliefs. Obviously, every country has unique ways of life and that's the same with habeshas as well. Simple example, there are unique holidays that are celebrated in Ethio that are not celebrated anywhere in the world (where else is there hoya hoye or buhe belu?). Indians have something unique, Americans have something unique, Chinese have something unique, Europeans have something unique etc. If you don't really believe that there are unique things to habeshas, then we need to talk more. Off course, when people from all the above countries live at one place for a long time (in US for example), then they start sharing lots of things and start forming common ground that makes life easy for all of them. And that starts forming a mosaic of cultures ... (let me stop before getting to philosophy, lol)
I was born and raised in Asmara and 3 races in me. This will come as a shock to you but I still hold the same values I was raised with.
Ok, may be we misunderstood each other a bit on this one. Why should I be shocked by your statement above? One thing I really need to let you know is that I am not a racist at all! I am completely against racism of any type. I have friends and family from lots of ethnic groups in Ethio and I have all types of friends here from all around the world.
I think it makes perfect sense that you are holding the values you were raised with and that's very good. I don't see why you thought the fact that you have 3 races in you would prevent you from this. Again, may be you misunderstood me, but my argument above is not based on race at all. I was just making the point that for someone holding habesha values, traditions, culture and way of life (religious, family relationship, holidays, etc...), it would be better to have habesha as a partner, given that Love is still the basis.
Mr Scientist (I have no idea why I call you Mr Scientist), I don't feel like making this reply as organized as you have but overall, you do come off as racist even if you say that it wasn't your intention. I agree with what KNIGHT (don't tell him) said below and to me race has everything to do with culture, traditions, value etc.
Being with a habesha person was much harder for me than to be with someone like my fiance. It's easy with him. Sometimes I don't have to say anything and he gets me. He gets a little cultural injection from me once in a while and he appreciates it.
So I guess what I am trying to say is, just be with whomever you choose - keep your options open lest you will lose sight and may miss out on something/someone absolutely amazing.
You're a cool dude. I like you. Just don't get used to it. LOL
GarrrXella, we are almost there on understanding each other. I am so happy for you that you have found a compatible partner! As long as you found someone compatible, that's all that matters. I won't repeat what I said above, but my whole point was about compatibility
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This is a tricky business that's running down my mind as well. For me, have I had the chance, there is no question I will go for habesha, not because I am biased but cuz I am deeply habesha from inside. I believe that if you are internally habesha (meaning that you have habesha values, beliefs and to a certain level culture), then you are better off with a habesha. But, if you are habesha only because you are born from habesha families and do not really know what it means to have habesha values, then I think it doesn't really matter. What's important I think is compatibility, and this is better if you are with someone that shares your values. If you were born here, grew up here and your parents didn't implant in you habesha values (I mean implant, not just tell you), then its actually hard to call you habesha. I have to admit that there is new type of habeshanizm that's developing abroad by those who grew up here. I think its kind of still retaining some of the habesha values and still fit in in the culture around. So, if you are that type, you need that type of habesha.
My challenge is how would you meet habesha regularly if anything you do doesn't get you close to them?
